What do we mean by the word “good” in this context? Some might assume it means the Victorian ideal: children who “are seen and not heard”. Yet others, who see it in opposition to “bad”, perhaps think it means children who have not had a brush with the law. For this author, a journalist, broadcaster and mother of six, it means children who are happy, considerate and well-mannered.

There has never been so much anxiety about raising children as there is today. Bookshops are full of manuals with advice on every aspect of child-rearing. In the UK there seems to be a constant flow of new governmental “initiatives”, as they are called, to cope with the increasing problem of badly-behaved children, both in the classroom and on the streets. Lynette Burrows first wrote this book in 1985, to challenge the influence of so-called experts (“who do not indicate any real knowledge or understanding of children at close quarters or in their natural surroundings”) and to attack the then fashionable “child-centred” approach.

In this, the third edition, she has expanded the section on discipline, including an appendix on “Smacking”, and also added a further appendix on “Working from home”. In the last 20 years two subjects have become part of an acute public debate: should all physical punishment of children be made illegal and is it harmful for mothers of young children to work long hours outside the home?

The book is an eminently sensible, no-nonsense account, based on years of personal experience, of how to instil basic principles of love, mutual respect, cooperation, discipline and some freedom in children from a young age, so that they develop into balanced and mature adults. Lynette Burrows is a Catholic and although her book does not address a specific Catholic readership, it is imbued with a Christian outlook – that family life is hierarchical and parents have authority – and Christian values: kindness towards others, particularly the vulnerable; tolerance and respect (not the kind ordered by official mandate); self-discipline; and the need to develop a conscience.

Her aim is to give other mothers confidence in their innate ability to bring up their children without being undermined by official fads and fashions. She firmly believes that “children are born into the adult world of their parents and fit naturally into it; not the other way round”. Previous generations would not have found this idea startling; it is Lynette Burrows’ contention that we need to reclaim the instinctive wisdom and common-sense of our grandmothers (her sub-title is “A common-sense guide to bringing up your child”) and to repudiate most modern notions of what constitutes family life. As she points out, the problems associated with raising children today are largely the creation of a relatively leisured class; in the past, where leisure and money were scarcer, they were unknown.

The author’s forthright approach and political incorrectness is very refreshing. When her own children were young she forbade quarrelling during mealtimes or complaints about the food. She was firm about bedtimes and the importance of early training to help in the house; mothers are not meant to be “handmaids to selfish, uncooperative children”, she observes. She threw out the television when her oldest child was aged eight and cuts through the endless debate about its effects on young persons’ behaviour by simply saying that uncensored exposure to the media means that children learn all too quickly to tolerate sex and violence: “So much material that is … cruel and obscene is available to young people today and I think it is more important to keep them away from it than to stop them smoking.”

Lynette Burrows’ oldest son was born with Down’s Syndrome and she includes a moving chapter in her book on raising a handicapped child. She is honest about the emotional adjustments she needed to make and laments that society too often emphasises the negative aspects of such children – what they cannot do, compared to their peers – rather than pointing to the huge contribution such children make by their very existence: “It is as if they are publicly enacting a heroic struggle with adversity which is an example to everyone, and many people feel the significance of it.”

Not all readers will agree with her contention that “smacking is an essential part of bringing up a child”, though all will affirm that firm and consistent discipline of some sort is necessary. Burrows rightly emphasises that “smacking” is not the same as “hitting” – as the anti-smacking campaign would have it - and she recognises that some children hardly need it. For her, as for many mothers, smacking is “quick, educative and doesn’t waste anyone’s time.” It reflects what we mean by the phrase “a good smack”. Those who would outlaw it, she suggests, are usually writing books about childcare, rather than being at home with young children.

And this is her final point: being at home when your children are young is what it is all about. Boldly flying in the face of current policy, anxious to get mothers back into the workforce as soon as possible, she states that “young children do not thrive so well apart from mothers” and that crèches and day nurseries are “totally unsuitable for very young children”. I fear this coolly delivered statement will bring howls of outrage from the liberal mafia – but almost all mothers know it in their hearts.

As a corollary to this belief that the early “love affair” between a young child and his/her mother helps children grow into confident, cheerful and outgoing persons, Burrows advocates more flexible and sympathetic work-hours for mothers who do go out to work and a serious exploration of the possibilities of working from home, now that modern technology makes this ever more feasible.

I strongly recommend this book to all mothers who secretly agree with the author but who are harried and harassed by liberal shibboleths that constantly undermine their confidence; and also to those mothers who have been brainwashed into thinking that staying at home to raise children is boring and unfulfilling. It is the most energising, vital and creative work that you will ever do. Who would choose to paint the Sistine ceiling when you have the opportunity to interpret the whole world of beauty for your children?

© 2006 Francis Phillips

Theotokos Catholic Books - Book Reviews Section - www.theotokos.org.uk